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vicki595FicInsanity: "Hammond's Angel 3: Fraiser Phenomenon"
Category: Parody,insanity, humour
Season/Sequel: Sequel to "Hammond's Angel 2"
Pairings: *winces* Give you three guesses!
Warnings: Some undertones of unreciprocated slash *facepalms*
Summary: "Clearly no one, no matter the gender, was immune to the wonder that was Janet Fraiser"
Author's Notes: *facepalms* This is it. Really. Truly. Honestly. (And it ended a lot more sympathetically to Hammond than my original planned ending!)
George had to smirk with satisfaction as he saw Jack labouring under all his extra duties. That served him right for agreeing to baby-sit for Autumn Paige Dakota on that May afternoon, giving Janet and her husband their alone time. He still shuddered at the thought, especially as it had resulted in Jackson spreading his seed even further.
George could still remember the chirpiness of one Jack O'Neill as he had spread the news around the SGC one fine September morning that there was going to be an extra two additions to the Jackson family, instead of the one previously thought. Jack's good mood had quickly deteriorated when he'd opened his office door and had almost been knocked over by the overspill of his in tray. George had then realised that it was probably a better plan to save up Jack's extra duties until after Janet had given birth again, and would be potentially able to get pregnant again.
Which wasn't going to happen. No way. With a two year old and two eight-month olds and no babysitter on demand, there was no chance of them getting up to anything. Babies were better contraceptives than condoms, George decided, sniggering slightly at the idea.
"Major Carter," he greeted, passing the blonde on his way back to his office. She was heading in the opposite direction to him, and he hoped that she wasn't going to be helping the colonel with his paperwork. If she was going to see him, George couldn't help but wonder if sex was going to be involved, thinking about his anonymous bet. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself that most commanding officers would have been thinking the reverse of that. He was guessing that the sex was more likely as she was dressed in civilian clothing, although he was sure Jack would be disappointed that there was no leather.
"General," she replied. "Do you know if Colonel O'Neill's in his office? He asked me if I could take something for the twins this afternoon."
Alarm bells went off in George's head. "The twins?" he asked, very proud that his voice didn't crack.
"Yes, sir," Sam said. "I said I'd look after them and Autumn for the afternoon and for tonight. Janet and Daniel are heading to Denver."
"Weren't you studying that machine SG-26 brought back from P3X-9875?" George wanted to know, thankful that he had actually been listening during the last briefing. That might have had something to do with the fact that Janet had been there, and without her distracting him, he'd had nothing better to do with his time.
"Well, I was, but Janet asked, and, well… I just can't say no to her," Sam said, her voice taking on a slightly wistful tone that George recognised all too well. "She just looked at me with those big brown eyes, and..."
She snapped out of it when she realised who she was talking to. "Uh, sorry, sir."
George wondered if it was time to open up the membership of the 'Janet Fraiser Appreciator's Society' to women, and made a mental note to himself to bring it up at the next meeting. Although thinking that, he wasn't too sure when the next meeting was and made another mental note to ask someone. He wasn't too sure about all these mental notes he was making, and was just about to make another to remind him to buy an actual notebook, but stopped himself in time.
"It's alright, Major," George assured her, starting to wonder just how safe his anonymous bet was. He'd known Samantha Carter for a very long time, and had always thought that she was as straight as they came.
Clearly no one, no matter the gender, was immune to the wonder that was Janet Fraiser.
* * * *
"So let me get this straight," Jacob began. "At the last meeting, which I couldn't make because I was on yet another top-secret mission, a vote was passed to allow women into the Society?"
"Yep," George replied as they sat together looking over the rows of seats which were slowly beginning to fill up. They had been the first ones to turn up, and he'd panicked slightly that he'd got the date wrong until Major Coburn had swaggered in.
"Oh. Okay," Jacob shrugged. "And you expect some to turn up?"
"Did I mention that it was a conversation with your own daughter that prompted this idea?"
Jacob scowled. "Yeah, you did. Several times in fact. See, I always thought she had the hots for O'Neill. Heck, I would have sworn that she was actually doing it with him."
"So did I." George paused for a minute and then began to snigger. "Maybe having realised that with her having no chance with Janet, she settled for the member of the family she does have a chance with."
"Not funny, George," Jacob said, before sitting up straighter. "Oh, I think that's a woman..."
Close enough, George thought, when he saw Lieutenant Hailey walk in with Graham Simmons. Lieutenants Grogan and Satterfield weren't close behind, followed by Major Griff and Lieutenant Dagwood. The major was pushing Sergeant Siler in a wheelchair.
"I've stopped asking," George said before Jacob had a chance to enquire about Siler's latest injury. "It was something to do with his wrench. Or quite possibly his ladder. I really don't know. I just sign the papers and ignore how much time he gets to spend under her care."
Both men sighed wistfully at the thought of Janet's tender care, and lost themselves in their own thoughts for a moment.
"Hey, I've never seen that guy before," Jacob said, nudging his friend and all but pointing to the door.
"Felger?" George's eyes widened as he saw the geek… uh, scientist, take a furtive look around the room and procure a seat towards the back. "He's one of Sam's admirers... or was at least."
They continued to watch the people trickle in, including what seemed to be a good half of Janet's nurses, George's own secretary and the girl who took over from Sergeant Davis at the dialling computer. George could never remember her name.
The women all looked a bit unsure as to why they were there. George could have sworn that Jennifer Hailey was purposely hiding behind Ferretti and Doctor Warner.
But then again, it wasn't really hard for Jennifer Hailey to hide behind someone and it could just have been an unfortunate choice of seating.
She'd soon realise that when it was time for the slideshow.
Paul Davis moved to the platform, readjusting the badge of office around his neck.
"Only nine more months to go," Jacob whispered gleefully to George, all but bouncing in his chair. "I don't really care who gets voted in next; they can't be worse than him."
George snorted. "And he wonders why his promotion to Lieutenant Colonel hasn't come through yet!"
Jacob started to snigger. He opened his mouth to reply but was distracted by a flash of bright light in the corner.
The two generals turned to look.
"Jacob, do you see what I see?" George asked in a low voice.
"If you're seeing the Supreme High Commander of the Asgard fleet, then yes," Jacob replied in an equally low voice.
"Oh good. Just checking."
* * * *
"General? Are you okay?" George looked up at Jack from his new vantage point on the floor. He held a hand to his head, wondering just what had happened.
"I think so, Colonel," he replied, slowly pushing himself up.
"Are you sure, sir?" Jack insisted. "You took a nasty spill there. What Siler was thinking leaving his wrench in the middle of the corridor, I don't know. Maybe you should head down to the infirmary."
Infirmary... Janet... Janet... infirmary...
"Perhaps you're right," he agreed, resisting dancing with glee. If Jack saw him being that excited about a visit to the infirmary, he'd be sent to see Mackenzie, which was not a pleasant thought at all.
He accepted Jack's escort graciously enough, wondering just how long he'd be able to spend in Janet's care and made a note that he needed to thank Siler for leaving his wrench so well positioned. It was about time the tool was useful for someone else to spend extra time with Janet.
"General, Colonel," Doctor Warner greeted them as soon as they entered the infirmary. "What can I do for you today?"
George tried not to blatantly look around the room for his favourite physician. "Is Doctor Fraiser around?"
"I'm afraid not, for the time being you're stuck with me, General," Warner replied, indicating that the CO was to take a seat on one of the beds.
George was a master at masking his disappointment, and told the doctor why he was in.
"I'm going to recommend you stay here overnight for observation," Warner said, making a note on a chart. "I don't like the fact that you knocked your head and don't seem to remember what happened prior to the incident. You could have a mild concussion."
George didn't mind. It wasn't as if there was anything more than a microwave dinner (which tasted only slightly better than infirmary food) waiting for him at home, and Warner couldn't be the only doctor on duty until he got discharged.
And there was no Doctor Jackson in the infirmary either for when Janet finally got on duty. Actually, George couldn't recall seeing Jackson recently, although that wasn't something he was complaining about. He vaguely recalled signing off on something with his name on, which, thinking back, was probably a vacation request form.
"Will Doctor Fraiser be on duty later?" he asked, trying not to sound to eager. "I, uh, had some things I needed to discuss with her."
It had certainly been a brainwave of his to make her his CMO, even though she had been so young at the time. It had initially taken some fancy talking with the Joint Chiefs to justify his appointment, especially when there had been so many more doctors with more experience. He'd given up and had just faxed a picture of the doctor in question across, smiling smugly when they'd agreed that she'd be perfect for the job. No one had regretted it, especially after she'd helped to save the world a few times.
Warner gave him an indescribable look, and George wondered if the doctor knew all about his boss' appreciator's society. Other infirmary staff had been part of the inaugural meetings and had been amongst the first speakers as they were obviously lucky enough to work with her. He didn't remember ever seeing Warner there, but it wasn't as if he'd been looking for him either.
"General, she's currently in Connecticut," Warner exclaimed, clearly surprised that the General didn't know that himself. "She and Doctor Jackson are visiting Cassandra in college, then I believe they're going to her brother's in Florida."
George tried to remember if he'd heard about that, and wondered just when he'd signed off on her vacation request and why it wasn't marked on his calendar. In red pen.
"Oh, of course she is," he replied, trying to brush it off. "I just got my dates confused a minute."
Warner narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Maybe we should make the observation for forty-eight hours instead," he said. "It seems like you banged your head harder than first thought."
Infirmary without Janet for forty-eight hours? George didn't like the sound of that.
* * * *
Sighing, George picked up the next report. He really needed to get through all these before he went home that night, but it was such slow and boring work.
Hmm. Major Coburn's report on P9X-719. He was sure this was going to be just thrilling, as he had sent the team to the empty desert planet as punishment for starting the food fight in the commissary the week beforehand. Not that they knew that of course.
He started to read through. "And then Fraiser..." He blinked and reread it. "And then Frampton..."
Damn, he needed to get some sleep.
Or possibly a drink.
George pushed the reports to one side and rose from his desk. They wouldn't disappear overnight (and if they did, he knew who to blame and which planet he'd send that team to next time...)
He made his way slowly through the long corridors of the SGC, trying to decide if he should order a pizza that night or not.
"And then I said to him "I don't really Janet if you want to go Fraiser next weekend"."
George just stared at the two civilian scientists walking down the opposite side of the corridor to him, nodding respectfully as they passed.
He shook his head.
Better make that drink a double.
Topside, he headed towards his car when a familiar voice called "Off home, General?"
His heart pounded in his chest, and he turned to look at Janet. She was standing by her car, and Jackson was nowhere in sight.
"Yes, I had enough of the paperwork," he replied, smiling almost goofily at her. She smiled back at him, and he started to head over towards her when a figure passed by him.
"Good night, General."
Jackson. Damn him.
George turned away as the archaeologist leant down to tenderly kiss his wife. He started to head back towards his car, when Janet spoke up again.
"General, as it's Autumn's second birthday this Saturday, we were planning on having a barbeque to celebrate," she said, leaning in towards her husband. "If you don't already have anything planned, we'd like it if you could perhaps pop in at some point."
George hesitated and unconsciously rubbed where he had banged his head at the last barbeque he had attended with the Jackson family present back the previous July. "I'll try, Doctors," he said, not wanting to commit himself either way. "I'll have to check my schedule."
Janet nodded. "Of course, sir," she said. "It's a bit last minute, I know. It's just that we weren't sure if we were going to do anything, what with..."
She paused and her eyes flickered up towards Jackson, who smiled and gently nudged her. "It's okay, you can tell the General."
George had a horrible feeling that he knew what was coming next.
Janet smiled almost shyly, and George watched her husband's arm tighten around her again. "We're going to have another baby."
George was pretty sure he could blame Sam for the conception of this child and realised that she'd probably enjoy extra work.
"I, uh, congratulations," he croaked, his mouth dry.
"Daniel's hoping for a boy this time," Janet confided, her eyes sparkling.
"Well, after three girls - four if you count Cass - can you blame me?"
"I can blame you for getting me in this condition - again," she retorted, laughing.
George just stood there, still trying to absorb the news.
"Well," Janet looked up at her husband. "We better go and fetch the children. Good night, General."
"Good night, Doctors," he replied, watching them go with unquestionable sadness and envy before getting in his car and starting home.
He suspected that the entire bottle of scotch sitting at home would be empty by morning.
Category: Parody,insanity, humour
Season/Sequel: Sequel to "Hammond's Angel 2"
Pairings: *winces* Give you three guesses!
Warnings: Some undertones of unreciprocated slash *facepalms*
Summary: "Clearly no one, no matter the gender, was immune to the wonder that was Janet Fraiser"
Author's Notes: *facepalms* This is it. Really. Truly. Honestly. (And it ended a lot more sympathetically to Hammond than my original planned ending!)
George had to smirk with satisfaction as he saw Jack labouring under all his extra duties. That served him right for agreeing to baby-sit for Autumn Paige Dakota on that May afternoon, giving Janet and her husband their alone time. He still shuddered at the thought, especially as it had resulted in Jackson spreading his seed even further.
George could still remember the chirpiness of one Jack O'Neill as he had spread the news around the SGC one fine September morning that there was going to be an extra two additions to the Jackson family, instead of the one previously thought. Jack's good mood had quickly deteriorated when he'd opened his office door and had almost been knocked over by the overspill of his in tray. George had then realised that it was probably a better plan to save up Jack's extra duties until after Janet had given birth again, and would be potentially able to get pregnant again.
Which wasn't going to happen. No way. With a two year old and two eight-month olds and no babysitter on demand, there was no chance of them getting up to anything. Babies were better contraceptives than condoms, George decided, sniggering slightly at the idea.
"Major Carter," he greeted, passing the blonde on his way back to his office. She was heading in the opposite direction to him, and he hoped that she wasn't going to be helping the colonel with his paperwork. If she was going to see him, George couldn't help but wonder if sex was going to be involved, thinking about his anonymous bet. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself that most commanding officers would have been thinking the reverse of that. He was guessing that the sex was more likely as she was dressed in civilian clothing, although he was sure Jack would be disappointed that there was no leather.
"General," she replied. "Do you know if Colonel O'Neill's in his office? He asked me if I could take something for the twins this afternoon."
Alarm bells went off in George's head. "The twins?" he asked, very proud that his voice didn't crack.
"Yes, sir," Sam said. "I said I'd look after them and Autumn for the afternoon and for tonight. Janet and Daniel are heading to Denver."
"Weren't you studying that machine SG-26 brought back from P3X-9875?" George wanted to know, thankful that he had actually been listening during the last briefing. That might have had something to do with the fact that Janet had been there, and without her distracting him, he'd had nothing better to do with his time.
"Well, I was, but Janet asked, and, well… I just can't say no to her," Sam said, her voice taking on a slightly wistful tone that George recognised all too well. "She just looked at me with those big brown eyes, and..."
She snapped out of it when she realised who she was talking to. "Uh, sorry, sir."
George wondered if it was time to open up the membership of the 'Janet Fraiser Appreciator's Society' to women, and made a mental note to himself to bring it up at the next meeting. Although thinking that, he wasn't too sure when the next meeting was and made another mental note to ask someone. He wasn't too sure about all these mental notes he was making, and was just about to make another to remind him to buy an actual notebook, but stopped himself in time.
"It's alright, Major," George assured her, starting to wonder just how safe his anonymous bet was. He'd known Samantha Carter for a very long time, and had always thought that she was as straight as they came.
Clearly no one, no matter the gender, was immune to the wonder that was Janet Fraiser.
* * * *
"So let me get this straight," Jacob began. "At the last meeting, which I couldn't make because I was on yet another top-secret mission, a vote was passed to allow women into the Society?"
"Yep," George replied as they sat together looking over the rows of seats which were slowly beginning to fill up. They had been the first ones to turn up, and he'd panicked slightly that he'd got the date wrong until Major Coburn had swaggered in.
"Oh. Okay," Jacob shrugged. "And you expect some to turn up?"
"Did I mention that it was a conversation with your own daughter that prompted this idea?"
Jacob scowled. "Yeah, you did. Several times in fact. See, I always thought she had the hots for O'Neill. Heck, I would have sworn that she was actually doing it with him."
"So did I." George paused for a minute and then began to snigger. "Maybe having realised that with her having no chance with Janet, she settled for the member of the family she does have a chance with."
"Not funny, George," Jacob said, before sitting up straighter. "Oh, I think that's a woman..."
Close enough, George thought, when he saw Lieutenant Hailey walk in with Graham Simmons. Lieutenants Grogan and Satterfield weren't close behind, followed by Major Griff and Lieutenant Dagwood. The major was pushing Sergeant Siler in a wheelchair.
"I've stopped asking," George said before Jacob had a chance to enquire about Siler's latest injury. "It was something to do with his wrench. Or quite possibly his ladder. I really don't know. I just sign the papers and ignore how much time he gets to spend under her care."
Both men sighed wistfully at the thought of Janet's tender care, and lost themselves in their own thoughts for a moment.
"Hey, I've never seen that guy before," Jacob said, nudging his friend and all but pointing to the door.
"Felger?" George's eyes widened as he saw the geek… uh, scientist, take a furtive look around the room and procure a seat towards the back. "He's one of Sam's admirers... or was at least."
They continued to watch the people trickle in, including what seemed to be a good half of Janet's nurses, George's own secretary and the girl who took over from Sergeant Davis at the dialling computer. George could never remember her name.
The women all looked a bit unsure as to why they were there. George could have sworn that Jennifer Hailey was purposely hiding behind Ferretti and Doctor Warner.
But then again, it wasn't really hard for Jennifer Hailey to hide behind someone and it could just have been an unfortunate choice of seating.
She'd soon realise that when it was time for the slideshow.
Paul Davis moved to the platform, readjusting the badge of office around his neck.
"Only nine more months to go," Jacob whispered gleefully to George, all but bouncing in his chair. "I don't really care who gets voted in next; they can't be worse than him."
George snorted. "And he wonders why his promotion to Lieutenant Colonel hasn't come through yet!"
Jacob started to snigger. He opened his mouth to reply but was distracted by a flash of bright light in the corner.
The two generals turned to look.
"Jacob, do you see what I see?" George asked in a low voice.
"If you're seeing the Supreme High Commander of the Asgard fleet, then yes," Jacob replied in an equally low voice.
"Oh good. Just checking."
* * * *
"General? Are you okay?" George looked up at Jack from his new vantage point on the floor. He held a hand to his head, wondering just what had happened.
"I think so, Colonel," he replied, slowly pushing himself up.
"Are you sure, sir?" Jack insisted. "You took a nasty spill there. What Siler was thinking leaving his wrench in the middle of the corridor, I don't know. Maybe you should head down to the infirmary."
Infirmary... Janet... Janet... infirmary...
"Perhaps you're right," he agreed, resisting dancing with glee. If Jack saw him being that excited about a visit to the infirmary, he'd be sent to see Mackenzie, which was not a pleasant thought at all.
He accepted Jack's escort graciously enough, wondering just how long he'd be able to spend in Janet's care and made a note that he needed to thank Siler for leaving his wrench so well positioned. It was about time the tool was useful for someone else to spend extra time with Janet.
"General, Colonel," Doctor Warner greeted them as soon as they entered the infirmary. "What can I do for you today?"
George tried not to blatantly look around the room for his favourite physician. "Is Doctor Fraiser around?"
"I'm afraid not, for the time being you're stuck with me, General," Warner replied, indicating that the CO was to take a seat on one of the beds.
George was a master at masking his disappointment, and told the doctor why he was in.
"I'm going to recommend you stay here overnight for observation," Warner said, making a note on a chart. "I don't like the fact that you knocked your head and don't seem to remember what happened prior to the incident. You could have a mild concussion."
George didn't mind. It wasn't as if there was anything more than a microwave dinner (which tasted only slightly better than infirmary food) waiting for him at home, and Warner couldn't be the only doctor on duty until he got discharged.
And there was no Doctor Jackson in the infirmary either for when Janet finally got on duty. Actually, George couldn't recall seeing Jackson recently, although that wasn't something he was complaining about. He vaguely recalled signing off on something with his name on, which, thinking back, was probably a vacation request form.
"Will Doctor Fraiser be on duty later?" he asked, trying not to sound to eager. "I, uh, had some things I needed to discuss with her."
It had certainly been a brainwave of his to make her his CMO, even though she had been so young at the time. It had initially taken some fancy talking with the Joint Chiefs to justify his appointment, especially when there had been so many more doctors with more experience. He'd given up and had just faxed a picture of the doctor in question across, smiling smugly when they'd agreed that she'd be perfect for the job. No one had regretted it, especially after she'd helped to save the world a few times.
Warner gave him an indescribable look, and George wondered if the doctor knew all about his boss' appreciator's society. Other infirmary staff had been part of the inaugural meetings and had been amongst the first speakers as they were obviously lucky enough to work with her. He didn't remember ever seeing Warner there, but it wasn't as if he'd been looking for him either.
"General, she's currently in Connecticut," Warner exclaimed, clearly surprised that the General didn't know that himself. "She and Doctor Jackson are visiting Cassandra in college, then I believe they're going to her brother's in Florida."
George tried to remember if he'd heard about that, and wondered just when he'd signed off on her vacation request and why it wasn't marked on his calendar. In red pen.
"Oh, of course she is," he replied, trying to brush it off. "I just got my dates confused a minute."
Warner narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Maybe we should make the observation for forty-eight hours instead," he said. "It seems like you banged your head harder than first thought."
Infirmary without Janet for forty-eight hours? George didn't like the sound of that.
* * * *
Sighing, George picked up the next report. He really needed to get through all these before he went home that night, but it was such slow and boring work.
Hmm. Major Coburn's report on P9X-719. He was sure this was going to be just thrilling, as he had sent the team to the empty desert planet as punishment for starting the food fight in the commissary the week beforehand. Not that they knew that of course.
He started to read through. "And then Fraiser..." He blinked and reread it. "And then Frampton..."
Damn, he needed to get some sleep.
Or possibly a drink.
George pushed the reports to one side and rose from his desk. They wouldn't disappear overnight (and if they did, he knew who to blame and which planet he'd send that team to next time...)
He made his way slowly through the long corridors of the SGC, trying to decide if he should order a pizza that night or not.
"And then I said to him "I don't really Janet if you want to go Fraiser next weekend"."
George just stared at the two civilian scientists walking down the opposite side of the corridor to him, nodding respectfully as they passed.
He shook his head.
Better make that drink a double.
Topside, he headed towards his car when a familiar voice called "Off home, General?"
His heart pounded in his chest, and he turned to look at Janet. She was standing by her car, and Jackson was nowhere in sight.
"Yes, I had enough of the paperwork," he replied, smiling almost goofily at her. She smiled back at him, and he started to head over towards her when a figure passed by him.
"Good night, General."
Jackson. Damn him.
George turned away as the archaeologist leant down to tenderly kiss his wife. He started to head back towards his car, when Janet spoke up again.
"General, as it's Autumn's second birthday this Saturday, we were planning on having a barbeque to celebrate," she said, leaning in towards her husband. "If you don't already have anything planned, we'd like it if you could perhaps pop in at some point."
George hesitated and unconsciously rubbed where he had banged his head at the last barbeque he had attended with the Jackson family present back the previous July. "I'll try, Doctors," he said, not wanting to commit himself either way. "I'll have to check my schedule."
Janet nodded. "Of course, sir," she said. "It's a bit last minute, I know. It's just that we weren't sure if we were going to do anything, what with..."
She paused and her eyes flickered up towards Jackson, who smiled and gently nudged her. "It's okay, you can tell the General."
George had a horrible feeling that he knew what was coming next.
Janet smiled almost shyly, and George watched her husband's arm tighten around her again. "We're going to have another baby."
George was pretty sure he could blame Sam for the conception of this child and realised that she'd probably enjoy extra work.
"I, uh, congratulations," he croaked, his mouth dry.
"Daniel's hoping for a boy this time," Janet confided, her eyes sparkling.
"Well, after three girls - four if you count Cass - can you blame me?"
"I can blame you for getting me in this condition - again," she retorted, laughing.
George just stood there, still trying to absorb the news.
"Well," Janet looked up at her husband. "We better go and fetch the children. Good night, General."
"Good night, Doctors," he replied, watching them go with unquestionable sadness and envy before getting in his car and starting home.
He suspected that the entire bottle of scotch sitting at home would be empty by morning.
